![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Man oh man!! I have 2 months left!!!!! I'm sooo excited!!! And the thought that if i do very well in the first school that i might be able to go to my second school in CALI!!!!!!! YAY!!!! I cant wait to leave!!!
Lets see....nuthin too big going on about me. I have been doing really well tho. Of my best friends....well the list gets shorter but i added a few:
Darrin, Jil, Candace, Cory, and Alex....they all doing really good!!!! So yay!!! When all is good, I'm good!!!
I did plan to go to Cali for a second trip....but then decided against it. Why?
1. well the main reason was to visit sum friends...but at that time things were dif....u know. Now things between me and them are just....really nuthin...we hardly talk at all....zero to very lil. Cuz of that i really dont consider them good/best friends anymore.....they're still my friends and all but if i see them...cool...if i dont...thats cool too. It doesn't bother me really anymore...just think i'm just moving on from them and all...
2. i'm going to cali aft boot camp and possible for schooling...and thats free....so why spend money to go when if i wait.....free?
3. want to save my money for just in case situations like not making it thru boot.
4. i dont have much time to go after i quit my jobs.
so yeah....
well it's a new month! now i have 2 months and 9 days left. I'll have a good job, good money, and good travel!!!
right now i have 2 good jobs...both making good moneys from them. the weather is pretty nice too.
I healthy~ i'm on a diet...yeah i know ur thinkn "oh god another one of those i need to be skinny people". No. My diet is strictly for well being only. Not about weight at all. I eat a lot of superfoods and superfruits....drink very healthy drinks....lots of teas, and weekly a kombucha drink. Eat healthy foods such as fruit, veggies, and lean meats. Eat lots of organic foods. Minimal carbs...well i refuse to give up rica, noodles, and bread. Take lots of vitamins. On fridays and saturdays i eat whatever i want. I try to eat restaurant food at MOST once a week. So yeah... i feel healthier, and better. Plus I'm tryna make sure my medical, dental, physical, and metal wellness is up to par for my first 1-2 weeks in boot camp. I would be crushed if i had to leave and come back to Wisconsin. And on top of that, i found out that it only takes 2 weeks to get my priviliges!!! YAY!!! So i'll see my buddies much sooner than i thought!!!! When i do, i'm gettin a car and taking my buddies to Canada and New York!!!! YAY!!!
i'm soo happy and excited!
Last week i went to visit my grandparents in San Diego. It was the best time ever!!!!!! NO drama. No fam/friend issues. It was great. I hated coming back but i needed that trip. I'm more of myself again. I got my Nicole Green brain back. My style is back. I have a better attitude and frame of mind. Dealing with fam in a new way. Making and keeping new/good current friends in a better way. Dealing with ex/bad/not so good friends my old way by forgeting and move on.
I feel much better about myself.
I guess I can say that the trip was kind of a spiritual awakening for me.
^L^
- Mood:artistic
But yeah, my money pretty much ran out....so I'm filing for unemployment til i get hired. I need to pay them bills! grrrrr!!!!! damn. I really didnt want to do it either. but I refuse to ask people for money. USE THE GOVERNMENT!!!!! Especially after they screwed me with the military and not letting me leave early and then not even helping out...bitches!!!
- Mood:
amused
I went to the Hollister interview. It went pretty well I think. Pretty simple and what not. I didn't like the whole dress code thing tho~ A little too strict. But hey, if i get the job, I'm taking it!
The other one I went to today was Express!! That one I had a blast at!!! I hope I get that one too!! I really want it. I already made a few friends already while I was there. Well, I'll know by Saturday!!! I'm excited!! So yeah, this one is mainly a night job tho which is perfect so I can get another job during the mornings. YES!!!! GET MONEY!!!! I cant wait!!
So today I finally got to see my home gurl Kim! And of course of all places she had to take me to the awful Sears. Tho i have to say, i'm glad I did go was it really nice seeing all my buddies again. Everybody loved my new hair cut! HEHEHE ^^
After that we went to get a bite to eat, run around thru Best Buy and chatted. it was really nice. I hope I get to see her again soon!
On the bad side....i just found out that my sis wont be able to go to San Diego with me. She cant leave til later. Shit, I cant change my dates or anything so. DAMN. Oh well, I'll see her soon eventually....
But anyways....with these jobs, I would like to fly out and see a few of my friends before I hit bootcamp. But which ones????
- Mood: mellow
But yeah, i went to that cafe to apply....I wasn't very impressed with it. I thought it was a cafe cafe like Alterra or Starbucks or sumthin like that. No it's a cafe but run my some big restaurant type company so it was like some kind of tight ass cafe. Not laid back. Have to wear this chef looking uniform. It was a total turn off. I saw no emo people at all. All prim and proper. Not my kinda style. The only time i'm gonna be prim and proper at any job is in my military uniform thank you. But I applied anyways so I didn't look like an ass.....
but yeah. I hope a job pulls thru soon!
- Mood:
bouncy
But I really want this cafe job. For one thing....my parents seem to be tryna control where i should and shouldn't work. My dad wants me to work in places that he can benefit from.....what a leech. But I wanna work in a cafe for the atmosphere which I told my mom. ANd of course she didn't have anything supporting of positive to say about me wanting to work in a cafe which i honestly dont understand.....makes me want the job even more!!!! I just dont understand them. I'm 22 years old and they are tryna tell me where they want me to work. I swear they are gonna have bad ass karma when i leave cuz I dont plan on coming back....rarely ever will I visit them again or talk to them for I dont need to hear any of their negativity towards me, my job, my friends, and my activities. I dont do bad things, or have bad friends so i dont understand the problem. I dont want to be around any of their issues and petty bullshit and their attitudes either...why make me as miserable as them. Why I cant i be an individual?????
I'm so gonna be a loose cannon after boot.
One awesome thing about working at this cafe is that it's the children's hospital. Parking is like fucked over there so I wont see my parents there. Plus cafe's are usually nigga free environments. LOL!!!!!! Niggas dont drink no damn coffee!! LMFAO!
I'm praying to God that I get this job. ^L^
- Mood:determined
- Mood:
crushed
- Mood: calm
Man I miss Kim soooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sad that i dont get to chill wit her almost evryday anymore since we dont work together anymore. it really sucks. She had a way to make me smile. She's on vaca still...i do get to see her on Sunday tho~!!!! I cant wait!!!
I just saw M.I.A.'s vid for Paper Planes!! YAY!!! I luv that song!!!!!!!!
- Mood: bouncy
- Mood: excited
- Mood:
aggravated
Okay. There's this guy. His name is Naoki. He lives in Australia. He's a surfer. And I'm totally head of heels for him. There's only one problem: I've only met him online only. Never in person. Crazy huh? And i'm so against it. The idea of me meeting sumone i've met only is just scary and totally against my morals. I dont know. I just feel soooooo weird about the whole thing. And what's funny is that after my A-school, which last only like 2 or 3 months, i get a 2 week break before my C-school starts. I really wanted to spend 1 of my weeks in Australia too~ damn.....maybe not a good idea....i dont know. I really wanna meet him but i really dont wanna meet too~ Maybe i'm just strange or something.
hmmmm......
- Mood:
distressed
Where should I start???
There's a lot of things about me that people dont seem to get or understand or even know about me. I guess I can try to clear sum of that up.
My job. I hate my job more than anything. I know ur prolly like 'well if u hate it so much why dont u quit?'. Well it's not that simple. I stayed for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only. 1- my boss. She's one of my closest best friends and a second mommy to me. 2- it's the only thing that's keeping me outta the house since my parents grounded me from using their car leisurely. Yeah i know....lame!! But hey, my stoopid job doesn't pay me enough to buy a car plus there is no space for an extra car at my house anyways...we already got 3 lined up the drive way and my dad uses the garage as his "Man's Town". What a joke!
But one good thing though~ I'm in the military! The Navy actually. But I'm on the Delayed Entry Program til January 13th. It's sucks cuz i was suppose to actually leave July 28th but my HIV test came up indeterminate. So i got that cleared up and got 2 retests which both came up negative. So right now I'm still waiting on an approval of my new test results so I can leave early. I hoping to leave next week tho~ I was already suppose to know my verdict almost a week ago but they keep bullshitting!!!! grrrrr.....
I cant wait to leave. I gotta get outta this house! My dad is crazy. I'm sick of the constant drama. I have no privacy. No life. I cant do anything while living there. I cant even see my friends freely. If things are done their way or ideas or thoughts aren't the way they would have made them or whatever than all i hear is criticism. I cant be an individual. i cant do things that normal people my age wanted to do. i'm fucking 22 years old for fucking sake! They would try to keep me or persuade not to do something that i want to do or talk down about it. And this isn't about bad things at all, it's things like sports and band and normal activities. I feel like they are are trying to turn me into sum tight ass or something!!!! I'm suffocating and long to be free! When i leave i swera to fucking God that i'm gonna be a loose canon and i know it nor do i care. I wanna smoke and drink and take long care rides in the middle of the night. I want to go see my friends. I wanna take short road trips. I just wanna do things!!!!! Have real hobbies!!!!! I wanna go skateboarding and learn a martial art and play on a sports team and find some kind of activity that i can really be good at an go to the olympics or something wonderful like that. Just do things that always wanted to do. Where clothes that actually express me instead of being plain jane. u know? I'm just really excited for this brand new life of gonna have. Continue with my language studies. Funny I'm a part of so many language learning communities online and what not and have a lot of people helping me out. It also benefits my military career for I get paid more for having knowledge of another language.
I dont know. For sum odd reason I dont think i'm gonna be very sad about leaving my friends. Well, it's like how I explained to my best friend Jonella, I'm a military brat. When I was growing up my friends were always moving away or it was me that was moving away...I never kept close friends ever. Everytime my my best friends would move or if was moving from them I was always told the same thing growing up "Oh dont worry about it. You'll make new best friends and so will she/he. Every year one of ur friends is gonna be moving anyways." So i guess with that thought in mind whenever i moved or they moved all i felt was sum sadness during that day but that would be it. I would just say "oh well" and then on to the next person or just find another person as a replacement. Yes i replace everyone! It's just the way i have been raised. Everyone is replaceable in my eyes. I ALWAYS find someone else. But yeah i'm so used to the whole after u move i dont hear from u again type thing and then i wont talk the person or hear from the person in forever. So yeah I asked her to help me by calling me every now and then to keep me on track with the friednship so i dont treat it like all my other ones. We are even gonna stay on the same phone plan. I hope it helps and works. but....as much i say that i wont let it
happen or treat our friendship like my old ones, i cant help but feel the same way. God knows that i love my best friends Jonella more than anything in the world. She was like a younger sis to me. I would help her out as much as i could and be there for her as much as i could and take care of her the best as i could. I think she's special. But if so why do i still fell the same way about this friendship like the other friendships. SO far the only difference is that i was sad longer. When Jonella moved I was sad for 3 days....vs. 1 day like all my other friendships while growing up. wow. Whenever i think about it, i feel like an ass but at the same time this is how was raised. This is how i grew up. This is just how i am. This is me. And i cant really change that. I cant help the fact that when I move or a friend moves for away that it's pretty much gonna be the end of the close knit relationship. After that we'll only be distant friends that hardly ever talk. That's how it with me. I move n too quickly and snatch a new friend to become my best buddy. It sucks that i am this way, but this is why i never expressed how i felt to people or really opend up to people in the first place. Because of all this. My friendship with her right now now feels like all the others. My days have passed where i felt sad. Now i'm the stage or move on and forget. It sucks cuz there's still sooo many things i want to do for her like take care of her and help her out in Cali. To be honest I dont know if i'm actually gonna go thru wit it. My new bud Jil whom I'm goin to the Navy with (my lil sis who's Kim's daughter) we plan to hopefully get stationed in Cali together. And the funny thing is nobody gets me and understands me better than Jil does. I hope things dont change tween me and Jonella but i know things already are, at least on my part. I know i'm comin outta boot with a lot of friends and gonna meet lots of new people while schooling and living in Chi-town. Things are gonna be different with my 2 other besties. Cuz both are the type of people that i can just see while i'm at boot camp those 2 will be calling my phone just to listen to my answering machine and leave a bunch of quirky messages on my phone for me to listen to when i get back. These 2 i know really want to hear and see me all the time because these 2 fools (Kim and Darrin) call or text me everyday just to see how i'm doin. And i love them soooo much for that! <3 I know my friendships will remane the same with them because of that. I dont know, it sucks in all but in the end i wont feel nuthing about it.
And about my religious beliefs. I do, believe it or not, have my own relationship with God. It's not sumthing i like to discuss. Religion period is sumthing i hate discussing. To me it's a personal thing. i feel that nobody will understand better than me so i keep it to myself. Just to put it out there, i'm no Satanist or scientologist or Athiest, or Chrisitain. heeheheeheeehheheheheh. yeah
I'm just me. I wanna be me. I wanna be free to be me. And those who cant respect that dont deserve to know me.
Wish me luck in getting my papers thru.
<3
R.I.P. YUKI <3
- Mood: depressed
Friggin father damn near killed the dog. I dont know if she's still gonna live but her damn back legs wont move. She drags herself around. She cant keep water in her sytem. She all together FUCKD!!
poor thing. what to do, what to do.
- Mood: crushed
